r is for read this

i can’t stop thinking about this article…get ready for a couple “passionate” words.

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.  ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

“From one generation to another, we slowly destroy the emotional lives of children and call it “good parenting”.

what do you think?

9 thoughts on “r is for read this

  1. Stephanie Harvey

    hi there,

    well here we go…

    as a mother to three children I have a 15 year old, a 12 year old, and a 2 year old and having had the joyous ( i say this sarcastically ) experience of working in a childrens hair salon in my early twenties i have to entirely disagree with this authors blog post. Heres the problem i have. It wasnt the children who were tough to deal with in that salon, it was the parents! There was no discipline. Nothing was said when little Johnny (3 years old) purposely would launch toys at nearby children also getting their haircut. Nothing was done when a child would take another childs toy, nothing was done when a child would hit another child or push another child. This i witnessed day after day, and it was all done in the name of respecting the childs feelings and emotions. So i guess its ok for little so and so to hit or kick or take from anyone because that is what they feel like doing! Aaargh! We are the responsible adults. We are the parents for a reason! We are supposed to step in and teach and instruct principles like sharing and respecting ALL feelings not just our selfish ones. The author said she used her kids to get back at people!!!!!! I have seen this time and time again! So i suppose if we use our kids to annoy, disrespect, and gain retribution for us that will teach them kindness, patience, and love? Its illogical! We are the role models if someone has “douchy” behavior problems we should be the model on self control, setting limits, and teaching kindess. Also i dont think the problem is society hating children, i think society is worshipping children. We need to teach our children that the whole of society is as important as the individual. Not the other way around. We need to teach consideration, respect, and compassion. Whew! I could go on and on. I understand the concern for backlash, its hard to speak up about this when there seems to be such vehemence against any teaching manners at all. Stifle a child or teach them discipline and respect? I would rather teach discipline respectfully! thank you very much!

    Like

    • kristin

      thanks for your insight.

      as i’ve read comments throughout the day i’ve had a couple of thoughts form pretty clearly:

      most people do respect children.
      most people do love children.
      most people do honor children.

      there is no one right way.

      i firmly believe everyone does the best they can in every moment.

      i wonder if we were more patient
      more slow
      more intentional
      could we teach the basics of living together?

      listen to each other (stop, look and listen…just like a traffic light)
      respect each other (their bodies, their space, their experiences)
      participate with each other (answer when spoken to, make eye contact, explain yourself)

      adults need to practice this to teach it.

      and dignity would be saved.

      Like

  2. Joanna

    I feel the writer didn’t differentiate between squelching a child’s spirit and teaching a child to be respectful. There’s a huge difference!

    Like

    • kristin

      yeah, i agree. i don’t think that setting boundaries squelches a child’s spirit, it protects it! boundaries with patience and love and a willingness to listen provide space for that child to explore and wonder on his/her own.

      Like

      • Joanna

        Yes indeedy! As well as a huge factor I didn’t even mention…keep the child and all the others he or she encounters safe. :)

        Like

  3. Libby Love Albers

    ya know, the first paragraph had me laughing and then, not so much. You can teach kindness and respect and PART of that kindness and respect is knowing your boundaries. Without discipline (and even with a hell of a lot of it), it doesn’t take long for young chidren to start to bully their parents. (jeez…ahave you seen my house and the number of toys the toddlers have manipulated me into buying????).

    Life ain’t purdy, folks…you HAVE to set boundaries and instill dicipline early. By the teen years, if you don’t have that structure to fall back on, you could have your hands full. As adults, we all rebuild a bit from things that happen in childhood. Bullies are not created from having loving, consitent, discipline. Bullies are created from children who know they have power and that their power has been effective.

    Alright…I’m ready for the backlash…

    Like

    • Kristin Neufeld Epp

      no backlash from me.

      i want polite kids.

      i want kids who answer me when i talk.

      i want kids who jump when i say jump-but they can tell me “i don’t want to jump!” while their feet lift off.

      i want kids who will stop a behavior when i look at them with raised eyebrows.

      i want kids who obey.

      i want kids who don’t back talk.

      AND:

      i don’t want my kids to be scared of me.

      i want them to respect me, but not be scared.

      i want them to question me.

      i dressed my babies in a onesie that said “question authority.”

      i don’t want them to feel bullied.

      i want them to trust that i will stop my world to listen to them.

      i want them to know i have their backs.

      i don’t want them to hear threats (empty or full).

      i think all of this is possible.

      if i get my shit together.

      i am writing this while my younger two are YELLING at each other.

      and i hate it.

      i kind of wish i didn’t care if they fought.

      but it bothers me like a burr in my sock.

      like a mosquito around my ear.

      like a toothache.

      like…

      fundamentally i can’t stop seeing my children’s less desirable behaviors as a symptom of me messing up. when they are happy and kind and helpful, i think it is simply who they are-how they came into the world. when they aren’t i feel like the world got to them and i am not able to fix it.

      that might be a bit messed up.

      oh sheesh.

      Like

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